Who Rules the Roost?
or
A Brief Look at One of Today’s Most Alienating Lines in Print
The women’s weekly Bible study that I was leading had just begun. After greeting them all I began reading the assigned passage. As I was reading, one lady got up and walked out. She kept on walking. She left the church — not on the sidewalk but on the church roles. Gone, never to return. It was a shame. I had just met her that day. It was my first day at the church. In fact, my first hour. I was the brand-new associate pastor in charge of Christian Education. I think it was just after I had uttered the first five words that she began to get up from her chair — Wives, submit to your husbands…
So, I’m in a dilemma. Three factors: One, I believe the Bible speaks truth; two, those five words quoted above from Ephesians 5:22 are a huge turn-off to many, many people — probably including you; three, I have the challenge of keeping you from walking away before you read to the end of this page.
Why, then, am I addressing this issue? I assure you I’m not masochistic but I am realistic. This “bump” in the road has caused folks to not just leave the church but to leave the faith — i.e. not being able to accept these words and therefore feeling other Bible passages must be suspect too. No, we can’t pretend this offensive issue doesn’t exist. We have to meet this unavoidable bump in the road head on and come out somewhere — somewhere rational and realistic — if we’re going to follow God’s guidelines to strengthen our marriages and our homes. I think you’ll find this “somewhere” good news for you and your marriage, so hold on. This reminds me so much of late one Christmas Eve when our son was about five years old.
It was well past midnight by the time I got the big red fire-truck — complete with pedals — out of its box, ready for assembly. Neighbors were living too closely for me — at that hour — to use a hammer to flatten the big disruptive metal bump awkwardly protruding into the mechanism. It was obviously a factory glitch. After sneaking in a couple of failed hammer blows I tried other means, finally sheepishly resorting to the accompanying manual — where, as I read, my face turned the color of the truck. The manual showed the “bump” was a metal flange without which the fire-truck would be nothing but a red metal cab on wheels with a seat in it — totally undrivable. The “bump” made the fire-truck go! So it is with this “bump” in the Bible passage so many wish wasn’t there. Please follow me through the passage found in Ephesians 5:21- 25.
Submit
Let’s look at that “ugly” word, the key word, submit. It’s used four times in these five verses. Three times instructing the wife and once instructing you and me (if we call ourselves Christians). What! We are to submit to each other? So it says: Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. What does submit mean? This is important! Read this slowly. In all four instances noted above the Greek word translated submit is hupotasso. Hupo means “under” and tasso means “to arrange.” No one English word can render the true meaning. The word means “to arrange oneself under” the other person. It means putting the other person first. The instruction to the wife is to arrange herself under her husband, making him number one. He has nothing to do with the arranging. She has everything to do with it.
Love
Husbands, love your wives… is God’s instructions for the husband and the Greek word here is agape — the highest form of love. It’s unconditional love. It means making her number one. If she declines to arrange herself under him she forfeits the benefits of that love. Years ago, Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton starred in a hilarious Shakespearean comedy adapted for film — The Taming of the Shrew. The young wife refuses, in outlandish ways, to arrange herself under her husband. But he is unflappable. With an indelible smile he undergoes pure punishment never for a moment relaxing his resolve to treat her like a queen. In the end love wins, and she basks in the warmth it brings her. She is happy to finally give him the reins.
Who, then, in an ideal marriage — following the guidelines from the Instruction Manual — rules the roost? He does. He does because she gives him her permission to do so. She’s at the controls. I sure wish that lady had stayed to the end and not walked away.
