How Do You Know When You’ve Met Mr/Ms Right?
Wow! What a question! First, a disclaimer. In the March 6 blog, you’ll find I’m religiophobic — a coined word to say I don’t like the word “religion.” I have to hold my nose just to write the word. But sometimes — like now — I can’t get around it. My answer to the question above will refer to what some call “religion” although I don’t because it’s not — at least not what most people think about when they hear that word.
Scenario one: After normal romantic ups and downs in high school that continued into college with a steady relationship that finally fizzled, one of our daughters became fed-up with this arbitrary process. So, she switched to a check-list. And a guy came along. A strong Christian — check #1. Personality — check #2. Industrious — #3. From a fine family — #4. And on it went. Mimi and I felt the situation looked good — mostly. It wasn’t until after the bridesmaid dresses were bought that we noticed her reticence. Then just days before the set date, when she realized she was looking forward to the wedding about like she would be looking forward to a dentist appointment, she pulled the plug. (No, we couldn’t return the dresses.)
Scenario two: Dolly phoned me just as Mimi and I were about to embark on an extended vacation. She was excited and wanted to see me immediately. She had met Mr. Right and wanted me to do the wedding. I was honored. Dolly was a mature and attractive young woman, very professional in her work, had a strong faith, and a positive outgoing personality. She said, “This is it! He and I could not be more sure. We can’t wait to tie the knot!” I told her of my unavailability but that I would call her upon my return. A month later, when I called, she had done a 180. He still pursued Dolly but he had become to her like the plague.
Two extremes: The first scenario was almost like an arranged marriage. No emotion, no romance, no eros. The second scenario had nothing but. It’s clear that the head and the heart both need to be involved. So what’s the right mix? The question remains, How can you know? Many people told me in connection with my dating adventures, Sim, you’ll just know. My silent response was, Baloney. Well, I’ve changed my mind. I now think those baloney people were right. Oh, not right in what they said, but right in what they meant by what they said. What they meant was, I don’t have a clue as to the particulars of how you come to that point of knowing. That’s my answer too. The rest of this page is my attempt to justify that answer.
That point — the bottom line — is not debatable: When you have met the person of the opposite sex to whom you are yearning to give your heart — your life — and are aching to receive theirs, you have met the right one. The real question is, What are the signposts in route? The fun part is hearing people’s stories. No two alike — like snowflakes and finger prints. There was Bud and Bambi — a fixture couple in our college-age group. Then off to college one fall — oops — it was over. Two years later — after zero contact — just before graduation Bud calls: “Bambi, let’s get married!” Bambi’s mom went crazy, but pulled it off in a week. It was my first wedding. Our daughter (above) gave up on men then met one — a boring engineer like me who swept her off her feet. Next month they’ll celebrate 30 years of marriage bliss!
Another story I love to hear because there are, again, no two alike, is how a person has come to give their heart to Jesus Christ. C.S. Lewis said, I know very well when, but hardly how, the final step was taken. I was driven to Whipsnade one sunny morning. When we set out I did not believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, and when we reached the zoo I did. Best-selling author Eric Metaxas made his final step to his trust in Christ via a dream. He says, It was like I had gone to sleep single and woke up married. There’s no boring story of how one has come to Christ or how one has found a mate (even E-Match stories). That’s because both are God-things. In a National Geographic lead article on love, we read that, when a person in love inside the MRI machine looked at his or her loved one’s [photo] the… ventral tegmental area and the caudate nucleus lit up. In summarizing the study, the magazine’s editor wisely said, Science can explain how love affects the brain — but not the mystery of how it affects the heart. 2,000 years before the MRI machine another “editor” used that word mystery. Marriage is the beautiful design of the Almighty, a great and sacred mystery — meant to be a vivid example of Christ and [His own] (Eph.5:32- Passion Trans.)
How, you may ask, does one give his or her heart away twice? Enter Temple Gairdner, iconic educator and strong Christian leader of a century ago, who famously prayed before his wedding: That I may love her with the love of a perfectly whole heart, cause me to love you more than her and most of all.