The Best Age to Pop the Question? (And Question the Pop?)
If you had known my pop — my dad — you would know why there are two questions in the title above. It may not be true with you but it was with me. And I think if it isn’t true with you who are contemplating marriage maybe it should be — someone there like a dad who knows you well. My dad was the mountain to be conquered, the river to be crossed, the desert traversed before my way was clear to pop the question. It was a crisp fall day when it all happened — eight beautiful words that I’ve never forgotten.
My dad was a highly respected attorney at his office and a strict disciplinarian at home. Except for his Saturday hunting and golf outfits he otherwise wore a starched white dress-shirt — usually with a tie. He was always a gentleman, often congenial, and occasionally displayed his work manner at home. By that I’m referring to meal-times. With all our family seated around our big dining-room table at dinner it sometimes could have been mistaken for a board meeting — my dad presiding. I, the youngest, would invariably begin to squirm and fidget and rock back in my chair only to get called out for lack of decorum.
It was that man I was with on a fall Saturday (his congenial day) headed out with him to hunt birds. And it was that day and optimum moment that I knew I had to question “pop.” So I blurted it out all at once, Mimi and I want to get married but I have another year of college, the army reserves ahead, and with no plans yet for a job afterwards. Besides, Mimi is just a freshman in college and she wants to eventually graduate. That was it. I was riding shotgun. My dad was driving. I looked ahead at the rapidly receding road — in silence. He was silent too. I didn’t want to look at my dad. I knew he would be putting on his severe office persona. I felt a lecture coming like, What in the world are thinking, son? You’re assuming your mother and I will support you and Mimi through all that schooling and maybe much longer? And I was thinking, This may be it! I know Mimi cares deeply for me but can she wait for me? Not only does she turn every guy’s head, but she’s fair game for many a man in way better fiscal shape than I. Yes, this is the end.
My father’s response still floors me as I, even now, recall his eight words. I was so stunned that I remember about where we were on Story Mill Road — two black-top lanes splitting a country-side lined with trees and grain fields. He said, Son, there is no perfect time to get married. I don’t remember anything else about that day, that week, or much else even about that year — except near the end of it, Christmas Eve, when I gave Mimi a ring. My father’s words were not only a green light. Coming from him they were like God’s marching orders. Eight beautiful words that said to me at that moment, You’re at that place. Do it! And I did it. God had spoken through my dad.
When we were married that next June, Mimi was 18. I was 22. We were totally ignorant of what we were getting into but we were deeply in love. Not just the emotional kind. It went much deeper than that. It’s good it did. We would have never made it otherwise. And that’s the reason I’ve said so much about my dad. He never made rash judgments. Once when he sat with us at the Kentucky Derby he didn’t put his $2 on a horse because of its name (like I would do). A week before Derby he had gotten the information on each horse — the dosage of champion horses in the blood-line, the experience of the trainer, the pedigree of the owner, etc. His $2 was more than a bet. It was an investment. When he said those eight words it was far from off the cuff. It was thought through. And I knew it. He and my mother saw our love was real. And that prerequisite having been met, the eight words applied — eight words that I feel have become almost biblical in their authority as I’ve weighed them through the years. Eight words that are good for anybody, provided the prerequisite has been met. There is no perfect time to get married.
The prerequisite criterion? I like the image cast by Delilah — a radio host whom God has rescued from horrible relationships to become a guide for Him in helping others find and nourish healthy ones. She says that prerequisite is met when a man — and whatever the equivalent is for a woman — is willing to crawl across a field of broken glass to be with the woman he loves. That was me and I felt Mimi was there too. If that’s you and your significant other is in lock-step — and you are both out of high school (smile) — then you’re at that place. Pop the question! And God’s blessings. You’ll need them!