On Raising Teens

(Reflection #6 – Faith)

You may have done what I enjoyed when our kids were small. If one was a couple of steps up a staircase where I stood at the bottom, I would say — with arms outstretched — “JUMP!” And we both would giggle as I snagged him or her safely in mid-air. This little act never suffered a miss — not a chance! What made this enjoyable for both of us? I think it physically affirmed a deep-seated fact or truth — i.e. an unfailing trust afforded to them and enjoyed by me that went far beyond a simple jump and catch. Maybe another name for it would be love. And for the jumpers — though not recognized by them — it was an act of faith, for faith is an act. St. Augustine famously defined faith in these simple words — Faith is trust in a reliable source.

Faith in God — Not a Given

Well, our kids got big fast — too big for that game anymore. But our hope and prayer was that they would come to know and appreciate a higher reliable source as He’s revealed to us in the Bible — and take that big leap of faith. Our kids got bigger but they also got smarter. One day in his early teens, our son came home from school with a new observation: “Dad, I have a friend at school who brought a book to class that’s like our Bible but it’s about another belief. Who are we to think our book is right and his is wrong? Isn’t that arrogant of us?” We didn’t agree with our son’s conclusion, but we did agree with his perception. And his questions were spot on. His faith was at a crossroads. We could only direct traffic, not control it. Why?

Because Faith is Personal

One of our few rules for our kids was that on Sunday each had to attend at least one church activity — be it a worship service, a Sunday morning class, or a youth fellowship gathering. Our reasoning? To be exposed to God’s Spirit. Analogy: Entering a bathroom doesn’t guarantee one will take a bath, but without a bathroom visit a bath is almost certain not to happen. ”Okay, I’ll go but I’m not going to pay attention or listen to any of it” was often our kids’ attitudes if not actual words. To that we simply replied that where their minds were was their business; our business was to make sure that their bods were there. And it’s true; as much as we would like to, we cannot legislate faith. But there is something parents can do to encourage it.

“Sticky Faith”…

Is a term invented by Kara Powell, head of The Fuller Seminary Youth Institute, where she found through research that 40 to 50 percent of youth who grow up in the church and, though they know about Christ, will leave the church and never return. Her research inspired her coined term Sticky Faith — the name of her book that offers a response to this increasing problem of children deserting the faith of their parents. (Powell defines Sticky Faith as faith that will stick with a child forever.) Her premise: Sticky faith is found in families that not only eat together (an activity Powell says is vitally important), but also talk about their faith and faith issues — who have spiritual conversations around the house as well as around the table, with the parents, especially, talking about their own faith (quoted from Door to a Lasting Marriage, p.140). 

The Bigger Picture

There’s a paradox here. A child seeks independence — a normal, healthy, and exasperating phenomenon that reaches its apex during teen years. But it’s pure irony — breaking away from home, as it were, in order to come back home and uncoerced declare one’s allegiance. Some young people are so naturally different from their parents they don’t have to work at being different. For others, the modus operandi is to take a position opposite from their parents on just about everything — faith being a biggie. What do Christian parents hold most dearly? Their faith! So, if your teen has gone astray, stay cool. If they had faith before they hit the Terrible Teen years, they may reject God now (He can take it) but they’ll come back on course all the better for it. They will have maneuvered through an unbelieving world. Unquestioned faith is not worth having. Their faith will be strong and robust. Hang in there. Pray a lot. And don’t forget: God has called us, not to be successful, but to be faithful (from The Myth of the Perfect Parent by Leslie Fields).

Christian Faith vs. Religion

This reflection on faith is about matters of the heart, not about superficial acts. The entire Bible uses the word religion (or religious) only five times — three in describing false faith and two describing true faith as deeper than rituals that attempt to build a bridge to God. No, God built His bridge to us! God so loved the world that He gave His only Son who with outstretched arms says to us each of us “JUMP! I’ll catch you and hold you close to me now and forever (John 3:16 – my free, but accurate translation). BTW, our son, now a surgeon, likes to pray with his patients — that God would bless them and strengthen their faith. Praise God!