On Raising Teens
(Reflection #1- Infrastructure)
What did we Know? We had lived in south Florida for just a few weeks. Okay, so hurricane Cleo was coming. What else was new? Hurricanes hit Florida all the time. We looked forward to this exciting new experience. Only I wouldn’t be there. I would be speaking at a summer’s end youth retreat at Silver Springs, 250 miles north of our Ft. Lauderdale home. But Mimi and our two little girls would be fine. We were well prepared. I brought the toys in from the front yard, and put lots of tape on the big picture window — a main feature of the new duplex we rented. Our street was still in full view. I would be leaving Wednesday. Cleo was forecast to hug the coastline hitting Miami and Ft. Lauderdale on Thursday. I would return home Friday. We prayed together before I left. (As I write, I realize again my stupidity, Mimi’s courage, and God’s care.)
Unforgettable Cleo
As I drove north I learned Cleo had 110 mph winds and gusts of 150. Fortunately, my destination was out of the storm’s path. Before daylight the next morning I was at my car radio in the camp parking lot to get the latest. I learned the hurricane had destroyed the Miami Weather Bureau’s equipment and transmitter; that WCKT’s 250 ft. radio tower was destroyed; and WINZ’s studios had been “blown apart.” I got this news via WCKY Cincinnati! I quickly got to a phone (no cell phones in 1964) and called Mimi. She answered like she was in a strange fantasyland. She had just seen a construction company’s Jiffy John going down our street. She mistook it at first for a car. (When I later told others of talking with Mimi by phone I was informed it was impossible, that all phone service in the Miami/Ft. Lauderdale area was down and had been for some time.)
The Aftermath
Upon returning home Friday via Florida’s west coast I encountered one of the most bizarre sights of my life. I had to brake for huge orange-red crabs crossing the highway. They were walking on all fours — hundreds of them — and I didn’t even know crabs had “all fours.” The extreme high tides had carried the crabs far inland and they were returning home. When I returned home, I discovered not only that Cleo’s eye had almost reached our front doorstep but that we had no electricity. (We purchased a Coleman gas stove and camped out in our duplex for a solid week.) But there was also good news — bringing with it a far reaching unforgettable principle. What was that news? The damage to our duplex was just two dislodged roof tiles!
The All Important Code
We won’t forget him — Marc Baldwin, our duplex owner. He became our hero. We learned he had built by the county code observing four biggies: The roof was bolted to the house proper; all window glass was shatter-proofed for 150 mph winds; the roof was ceramic tile, not asphalt; and the house was by design built facing the least storm-destructive direction. What does all this have to do with raising kids? Plenty!
A Mad Mom
At another time in another city and with mixed emotions I told Mary (not her real name) that her two teen girls would be fine, that she was in the center of a huge storm that every family with teens goes through. Frantic, she had come to me for help as her church’s minister to families. I shared about our episode with hurricane Cleo and about Broward County’s building code. I knew Mary well. She was a strong principled Christian who was raising her kids by “the code.” My mixed feelings were due to my deep empathy for her in her dilemma while at the same time saying all she could do was the equivalent of bringing in the toys, taping the windows, and then praying that the damage would be no more than the likes of a few replaceable roof tiles. Stopping the storm was out of the question. She was not a happy camper when she left my office.
So, What’s the Code for Building Kids?
We certainly don’t have the last word, but we share here four biggies from our family and work experience.
Have few rules — only the most important — and make them clear. Sports is a microcosm here: The fewer the rules, the less refereeing and the more fun. And you want your kid to know you are all for fun.
At all costs strictly enforce these rules, or your kid will feel the rule doesn’t matter nor does she or he.
Prepare your child to respond properly to the authorities over them (presently you), not to your personas. Incorrect: “You don’t talk to me that way.” Correct: “You don’t talk to your parents that way.”
Love your child! Two things: Love the heck out of your #1 (spouse). Make your kid #2 above all else.
After Cleo, a dearth for years of powerful hurricanes caused the massive housing profusion in south Florida to skimp on building codes. (Building codes for houses and kids are costly in time, effort, and resources.) So, Hurricane Andrew in 1992 destroyed 25,000 houses in Dade County. Problem: Weak building code.