Christmas Bloopers & “Door to a Lasting Marriage”
It broke me up — the mom laughing. But the word “laughing” doesn’t say it. There isn’t a word for the joy that seemed to come from deep within — born of a life (or light) within her without which such joy doesn’t happen. The jubilant wave swept the family of four and me. The dad’s wide smile gave away his desire to join in unbridled hilarity. But — as mom tried to wipe away her happy tears — dad kept his senses saying, “Hey guys, we’re just on for three seconds!” I had no idea what broke them (and me) up, but it didn’t matter.
The church I served before retirement is discretely innovative — the only church we’ve “attended” on the internet that, after the postlude, displays its bloopers. It’s exhilarating and downright fun to see church families, the pastors, and people in the pews, display (on film) their earlier botched tries. It makes us know they are real people just like us. To see clay feet on would-be flawless figures makes us feel normal and opens doors of hope for us all. One cannot help but feel that as we laugh at ourselves God is laughing along with us too. The paragraph above is how it affected me on a recent Sunday watching a family who had participated in an Advent Sunday at our former church — far away but made near due to a bad virus and good technology. This triggered a thought — surprising to me — about something very near. Our book!
Our book is based on bloopers of sorts — albeit the laughter comes much later. It opens with a Christmas blooper. Our book’s title reflects that very blooper. It was late Christmas Eve exactly 62 years ago when Mimi and I planned to go somewhere unique for an historic moment. I told her I was carrying a special gift, so she knew what was coming. It was near midnight. We went to a church we had often attended together. We knew the door would be unlocked. We wanted to sit in a pew out of the cold, clasp hands, and humbly ask God to be with us from that moment on and guide us for this world’s good and his glory. Well, it didn’t happen — at least, not that way. The door was locked! So, standing at the top of the steps, in the cold, at the locked church door, along with Monte Sano Avenue traffic, we became engaged to be married.
The blooper that Chapter 1 seeks to unravel is clear in this honeymoon quote: We pulled into the Castaway Beach Hotel in Daytona. We parked, I turned the engine off, and we began to fight…. I began to do the math. If we both lived to be around eighty, that would mean almost 60 years of this. We had only been at it 23 hours. I thought, “What in the world have I gotten myself into?” Chapter 2 starts: The wall I hit was a concrete block wall between our kitchen and the family room…. I was mad… really mad. And it was all because of my wife…. but I would never hit her, so I hit the closest thing standing…. Didn’t do a thing to the wall, but I quickly developed a very sore fist. And Chapter 3: Sim was so busy with his job…. He would come home at night for supper, help a little with the kids, and then go back to [work to] counsel people in their marriages, while I kept telling him there was something wrong with our marriage. Chapter 4: I slowly removed the door to [our daughter’s] bedroom…. The door coming down scared her. She quickly got into the car, and I thought at that point the struggle might have been over. It was not. Chapter 5: I was coming to the conclusion that God had given me an abnormal wife…. I had now for several years mentored Mimi as being her perfectly normal role model. Yet, she still had not come around. What a jerk I was! Chapter 6: Suddenly up from the beach emerged a young woman in a tiny bikini — so sparse she could have stuffed it into a thimble. It was a show-off bikini … and she had plenty to show off. As she went by, Mimi said, “Did you see that woman’s hair?” I said, “What hair?” Finally, Chapter 7: As I went back to the huddle to call the play I prayed, “Lord, if you and I are connected and everything’s okay between you and me make it that I score on this play." I called the play… made my way around left end and… lost eight yards.
Frederick Buechner (writer, speaker, pastor) tells his story for the same reason we tell ours. Here’s a quote from him with only the pronouns changed: What in the world could be less important than who we are... our bad times and good times…. If we were public figures there might be some justification…. But we talk about our lives anyway because if, on the one hand, hardly anything could be less important, on the other hand, hardly anything could be more important… important not because it is our [story] … but because chances are you will recognize that in many ways it is also yours.
A locked door brought about the first word of our book, Door to a Lasting Marriage, and a locked door — the door of my heart — brought about an eight yard loss, opening to me the door to a whole new fulfilling life.
Fifty Years Later