A Baby Named Corona?
“I don’t think so,” Mimi said, “that would be cruel.” I had just gotten off the phone with our son, a surgeon, where we had been enjoying a little comic relief from this distressing COVID-19 pandemic. He and I had been speculating (half joking and half not) that this forced-togetherness of spouses could result in more babies and/or more divorces. And I had jokingly said to Mimi who was sitting by me, “You know, I wonder if this fall there will be many a baby named Corona?” Her serious response told me she didn’t see my smile when I posed the question. And, seriously, it’s the other part of that equation I want to address here — the divorce part.
As I sat down to write about this I heard a news item about a trend since the Coronavirus stay-at-home rule took effect: There’s been a pronounced spike in inquiries seeking professional advice concerning divorce. If that’s true It’s not surprising. I think there’s a major legitimate cause that could be behind it — at least behind a lot of it. This cause is not a bad thing. In fact, it’s a good thing if put in proper perspective (which I will try to do before this page ends). It’s the same thing that caused my wife’s great listening ability to stand her in good stead when for years she managed a bank branch.
Retired men who were either too old for it or too disinterested in golf to play it, often found their way to Mimi’s desk at the branch she managed. It was not that checking on their nest egg or their life’s savings had become their number one thing — though certainly such was high on their list. What more likely caused these men to wander away from home with not much of a destination in mind was the Mrs. Not that she chased him out, but when you are living with someone whom you don’t quite understand nor they you, it’s nice to mutually agree on a little space — at least every now and then.
Mimi is multiple tasked, so she enjoyed talking money with these men while she handled many other matters at her desk. The chair by her desk was always available for those wanderers to camp out for a while. As a pastor I often officiated at memorial services, but sometimes Mimi attended more funerals than I. These men were good friends of the bank and she felt it was part of her job to show respect — a part that was no doubt noted by her superiors and contributed to her bank sales awards.
I’m speaking here of a concept that in our book accounts for more pages than those about gender differences — as important as that topic is. Something that takes more than 30 pages to develop can’t be explained in one paragraph, but I can at least hope to pique your interest. It could save your marriage. Here’s what we postulate: We each unconsciously seek, find, and marry a person whose predominant personality traits are opposite from our own. Three key words here: One, personality — not life-style, as that will be the same; two, predominant — the core personality traits (the un-dominant ones may match); three, unconsciously — it will happen! So, an outgoing person will marry a reserved person. An artistic person a conventional person. An analytical person a spontaneous person, etc.. And each partner of the pair will never understand where/why their spouse is coming from. I think this is just another design feature by the Architect of Marriage so that a married couple would be like a matching nut and bolt — diverse and strong. And the biggie: Since each cannot read the other’s mind a married couple is forced to communicate! I have never known a married couple that fails to meet this criteria! Every time I think I have, a closer look is all it took.
Here’s the kicker. If a couple does not recognize this, their marriage can become a hell. If and when they do, and celebrate it, their marriage can become a hilarious haven. If not recognized before, the COVID-19-forced-togetherness could be a bane or a blessing. May it be the latter all over the world!
