Who Makes a House a Home? She Does! Does it Matter? You Bet!

My resolve, evident in the caption above, began to be formed during an earthquake. Mimi and I were in the early years of enjoying the institution we insist we invented, date night. It was a Monday night in Louisville, Kentucky. We had not long been seated in a nice but unfamiliar restaurant. I had just said a prayer, after the salad came, asking God to bless the food and our evening together. (Did the group on the table next to us notice? We always wonder if people notice. It’s okay if they do but that’s not the reason we pray. However, on this night we were not kept guessing.) Suddenly the wall next to me began to move back and forth. Flimsy walls here!, I exclaimed to myself. In a split second everything in the restaurant was moving. Even the group next to us was practically in our laps. Not because the earth was moving, but because they were naturally — and openly so — wanting to be closer to the God we were speaking to seconds earlier. That’s when Mimi calmly blurted out, “It’s okay. No problem. We’ve got earthquake insurance!”

Her Words Didn’t Calm Me or Hardly the Others

Mimi was uncharacteristically unruffled. It turned out our insurance company had just offered an earthquake policy that Mimi thought made sense so she had just purchased full coverage for our house. If our house crumbled the policy would take care of it. (Even in that critical moment, it was a revelation to me to learn the house was so crucial to Mimi’s well-being.) All may have been well with Mimi but not with me. In fact, I panicked. I was preparing to grab Mimi and head for the closest exit. Please know Mimi is always extremely practical, reacting immediately to the need at hand. (She has at times surprised me by handing me the telephone while I’m in the shower when someone has phoned me, or a ten-dollar bill she just brought fresh from the bank to use at the car wash after I got me washed.) But during that earthquake something else was going on that was bigger than Mimi. (Warning: It’s perfectly fine if you are not a proponent of the two genders being different, but please know that if you are not you probably won’t enjoy the rest of this page.)

Mimi’s Wisdom Convinced Me Further about What was Going on

Tom and Sue (not their real names) were good friends of ours. A great young couple. Tom was a lawyer. Sue was a very capable and talented woman. They hadn’t been married long but by budgeting carefully they were able to buy a nice house. Sue came to see me — as one of her pastors — with a problem. She was unhappy but couldn’t put her finger on anything tangible. Neither could I. Their marriage relationship was solid. One day Tom and Sue had us over to see their house. The kitchen and breakfast room were first-rate. We then walked through a huge empty room — no carpet or drapes and not a stick of furniture — into an engaging hallway leading to an elegant guest room, bath, and finally to a beautiful main bedroom. Afterwards Mimi said to me “Tell Tom to use their savings, or borrow some money, or even remortgage the house, but whatever it takes to furnish that empty living room.” I told Tom. He heard me and heeded. Sue did a 180. Her unhappiness problem was solved.

We’re Talking Instinct — inborn inherent tendency, sixth sense, intuition

This inner prompting to be attentive to the home is innate to women in a way that it isn’t to men. It’s not a gift, a talent, or personality trait. It’s beyond that. I’ve illustrated using Mimi — a perfect example. She’s not a fastidious person. She’s multitasked. She knows what’s important and what’s not. She managed a bank. She leaves nonessentials alone to get the job done. Except on the home front! It seems everything to do with the home is essential to her. It’s so blatantly evident that it’s uncanny. I used her nest instinct when our church moved into its new building. We pastors were assigned to cavernous rooms, formerly offices of corporate executives. I put my desk where I wanted it then turned the room over to Mimi. It was no small task, but shortly after, when a man whom I was meeting stepped into my office he exclaimed, “Boy, this place is homey!” I, like all men, know and appreciate “homey” but we’re hard put to make homey happen.

Are there Exceptions?

Sure. Exceptions prove the rule. But in most marriages the Nest Instinct is present even if husband and wife are unawares. The Maker of man, woman, and marriage must like this design. In fact, God seems stuck on it. Latest studies show there are nearly 20,000 species of birds on earth. Ornithologists tell us that for the majority of those species the female builds the nest. And when the male builds it he puts the big stuff where he wants it then turns the nest over to her. She then interior decorates with her own personal lining. (I’m not making this up.) Husbands, take heed! You (and your wife) may be super adaptable. But it’s different when it comes to the home. She sees through different eyes. Take heed and have a happy home — and wife!