When All Else Fails Ask Mimi
Just as it was in our book Door to a Lasting Marriage (which encouraged this website), and likewise the same as it was in our classes on marriage (which encouraged the writing of our book), it’s true: Though I contributed many more words than Mimi in that process, when people reflect on the book or the classes guess whose words or experiences are remembered most? Right! They remember hers. So, in a loving tribute to my wife who in January entered the portals of Heaven and the presence of her Lord, Savior, and Forever Friend, I’m going to share (via this and the next few blogs) her words and her wisdom (along with my comments) from the various themes of our book. But a warning here: Mimi’s words have often caused the hearer to, shall I say, reposition themselves. But always to the better.
Our Book Emerged from a Pit
I’m almost embarrassed to again put in print the words found on the first page of our book . The words are Mimi’s but I’m the progenitor of them. They are words that reveal why we have felt so keenly the desire to help others who may at some point aspire to follow an impulse to “leave this blankety-blank marriage.” She said it this way: I had to decide whether to leave, live like I was living, or trust God. My outlook was very bleak… One of those mornings I told God I would stay in this marriage, and He would have to work it out.
I had Dug the Pit
Depression came upon Mimi almost overnight, rolling in like the fogs we once witnessed when visiting in Monterey Beach, California. And it was California to the rescue. I’ll explain. We had a friend in the Florida congregation where I served who often found herself on our doorstep in tears. Mimi would take her in and spend an hour or two listening and helping to wipe away the tears. One day when our friend rang our doorbell, Mimi answered but this time Mimi was in tears. The roles reversed that day, and it was the first time I realized Mimi was holding back an inner pain. Stanley Cornils was a pastor from California who around this time was staying with us while attending a conference at our Florida church. He also was a marriage counselor and it was he who kindly looked me in the face and said, “Sim, you’re Mimi’s problem.”
Stanley’s Story — the Answer to Mimi’s Prayer, and the Impetus to Write our Book
Stanley told me a story about a member of his congregation — about the night he was called to intervene in her crisis. This dedicated Christian was threatening suicide. She had a deep dark anger toward her husband — a man who was always on the road, a man who when he was home was still focused on his work. This woman had lost all hope of ever having the relationship with her husband she craved. The fact that she was such a strong Christian had caused her to lock away her anger so no one knew — not even herself. That night with Dr. Cornils it surfaced. She saw what was happening and was able to work through her anger and forgive her husband. Her depression lifted almost instantly. Dr. Cornils helped me to see that Mimi was deep down angry with me, because, you see, I also was never at home. I was away night and day “doing God’s work.” I should have understood long before. Mimi was loaded down with three children — a newborn with the first two hardly out of diapers. Plus — a huge plus — I was always absent. (I had not learned that God came first, not His work). Her inner anger level was “red-lining,” and I was totally oblivious to it. She was too. I learned and reformed. Mimi forgave. She even forgave (but never forgot) my being out on visitation evangelism the night she was in the hospital in labor with our third child! (Wow, what a creep I was!) I had a lot of work to do on myself. With God’s help and Mimi’s patience it happened and with it a book was born — Door to a Lasting Marriage.
Mimi Was Learning Too
It’s reflected in her words below quoted from our book. It’s only right that Mimi has the last word on this page. And it’s only right that our favorite New Testament (J. B. Phillips) be used in it. The book was a gift on whose fly page is penned: to my good friends Mr. & Mrs. Simeon Fulcher, Stanley Cornils.
Some time back I (Mimi) was deeply hurt over and over again by a woman with whom I had regular contact. While she was never aware that she was hurting me, I was beginning to have a grudge against her. Then I read in Scripture that I should do good to her: “And as for those who try to make your life a misery, bless them. Don’t curse, bless” (Romans 12:14, Phillips). So, I gave her a nice gift on some appropriate occasion. Do you know, those hateful feelings gradually melted? Now, years later I still do not feel resentment towards her, only love.
