If Momma Ain’t Happy Ain’t Nobody Happy
Husbands, love your wives, the good book says. And not just on Mother’s Day. So how do you keep that love going, because love is something you do? Enter date night! On March 13 — the day my wife informed me that our weekend date night was off because our governor had declared a state of emergency — I had an inkling that big changes were in store for our marriage. A few days later, as we found ourselves barely managing to home-school six children, work two jobs and run a big household on lockdown, I knew that the loss of a regular date night was going to be the least of our marital challenges.
Those introductory sentences from an article last week in the Wall street Journal got my attention. First, because the term date night was assumed. Second, because it revealed that though both husband and wife have jobs and home-school their six kids their date night is still termed regular. Mimi and I applaud them! The Journal article went on to report about managing COVID-19 lock-down within four walls. However, this page will go on to report about date night — what it is and what it has meant to us.
Mimi and I, over fifty years ago, used a term we had never heard before in describing our discovery that probably saved our marriage. The term is date night. We won’t be upset if you don’t believe us, but we think we invented date night (smile). Here’s Mimi’s story — shortened from her story in our book. After our third child was born, I could no longer go with Sim to his youth work, so the only times I was ever with Sim was on my birthday and on our anniversary and when we had sex. We did not have a marriage. He was gone all the time. And then we started date night. I really think had it not been for date night, we would not be married now. The strange thing is that Sim didn’t sense anything was wrong.
That last sentence begs the first item of The Anatomy of a Date Night — a greatly abbreviated (from our book) description to prime the pump for new starters and rev up the engines of date night veterans.
It’s a Guy thing
Husbands, love your wives. Husband, you are the one in charge. You have to make it happen.
You Two Alone
This means no kids, no friends, just the two of you. (If even just a trip to Starbucks or Baskin Robbins.)
Same Day or Same Night of Week
If an emergency arises let her decide if it is. Don’t spring it suddenly. Anticipation is a big part of the deal.
Go Out!
Often childless couples say they have a date almost every night at home. This doesn’t count! Go out!
It’s Priority Time
The length of time is not important. Priority time is important. Priority stuff gets done.
Have a Loose Agenda
No heavy planning. No heavy anything. Keep it simple. Just hang out together — somewhere out.
No Work Agenda
Husband and wife, resist linking the night with work. You need one another’s attention — both eyes/ears.
Pay the Price — It’s Worth It!
Date night may require that you get a babysitter. Make the sacrifice. It is more than just well spent money.
Date Night Precaution
If you’ve never had date night before, beware! Date night could sink your marriage if you’re not prepared for what could lie ahead. After eight years of marriage — both of us juggling schedules while changing diapers for three kids; and us never ever sitting down and saying to each other, How is going with you? — it’s little wonder that the kidney of our marriage needed venting. So — alone, car windows closed — that kidney cut loose. It wasn’t pretty. Date night for months started out beautifully and ended ugly. Will our marriage survive?, we both wondered. It did, and it’s still going strong!