Five Ways to Bless Your Kids — Yea Six!
Bono of U2 in his hit song I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking for agrees his words refer to an undefined and unfulfilled longing. Could it be the song’s words hint at what people feel who have missed the blessing their heart and soul have longed for from those who have borne them — those who alone hold a God-given power no one else holds — mom and dad?
This was the reason Dr. Myron Madden, professor of psychiatry at LSU Med Center, entered the field of medicine. He realized when he was young that he was becoming like his dad who was unblessed by his father whom Maddon calls “Pa” in his book Blessing. A quote from that book in ours tells the story: If my father had become governor of the state, he would have never gained Pa’s blessing and approval. [But] it was the thing that drove him all his days. My father died without ever knowing what the driving force was in his life. There’s a lot of power in not giving a child the blessing, because it may leave one needing to prove something. It takes the gift of blessing to help us know who we are [and] where we are going. [Ultimately] there is one blessing and that is from God. We [as parents] have authority to channel God’s blessing.
1. Know your Child. Yes, even though you’re feeling you know your kid so well through the virus lock-down that you’re saying “Enough, already!” Here’s another quote from our book: Mimi says, My mom was a wonderful mother in every respect — except one: She always wanted to be a dancer and musician, but [because of adverse circumstances] she couldn’t achieve her dreams. I was supposed to achieve them. I felt I was a terrible disappointment to my mother. Hebrew scholars tell us that a familiar Proverb that’s true in its erroneous form becomes even more instructive when properly translated. The words Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it (Prov.22:6) rightly says in essence: Become acquainted with your child, affirming her/his unique gifts and talents, and then send them off self-assured.
2. Respect your Child. Here’s another Mimi quote: I remember the day God showed me how important the children were going to be. My whole perspective changed that day. I had begun to think parenting was a very thankless job…. All that changed. A 16th Century professor, John Trebonius — friend of Martin Luther — confused others by always saluting his class of young boys when he entered their classroom. Upon being rebuked, he said, There are among these boys men of whom God will one day make [men of importance]. Although you do not yet see them with the badges of their dignity, it is right that you treat them with respect.
3. Encourage Your Child. “Blessing” from the Greek eulogeo means literally “good word.” It’s the origin of our word eulogy or “praise.” “Way to go!” “Good job!” “Nice work!” “You’ve got what it takes.” They’re powerful words your kid needs to hear from you. “You’re a loser, you’ll never amount to anything” are also powerful words never forgotten.” But give honest praise. A flattering mouth works ruin (Proverbs 26:28).
4. Be There for Them no Matter What. Blessing is given to a person for who they are, not for what they do or don’t do. Your child needs to be secure in the knowledge that, God forbid, no matter to what depths they may sink you will be there for them — not for what they may have done but for who they are.
5. Let Them Go. Your child will grow to be different from you (maybe overnight). Finding that independence is vital for them but it can be painful for you. (It’s the first twinge of an empty nest up ahead.) Do not allow destructive action (discipline is another blog topic) but welcome difference. It’s growth. Let go. They will come back. Paul Tournier, renowned psychiatrist said, It is to the extent that he/she becomes free — distinct from [parents] — that he/she gets an awareness of having his/her own individuality, of being a person.
6. Be the Person You Want Your Child to be! Period!
Mimi and I have three remarkable kids — now with families of their own. We are extremely proud of them. They are wonderful not because of us, but in spite of us. We have been glad that God does not call us to be successful parents but to be faithful parents. The faithfulness is our part. The rest is God’s part. And concerning our part — all that is written above? We’ve been totally dependent upon God’s grace and forgiveness for all our wrongs and weaknesses. As Maddon says, Ultimately there is one blessing — God’s.
Katherine, Mark, Betsy – our wonderful children