For Dads, Again: A “Children’s Night” Reprise

Repetition is common in music for emphasis and/or to utilize poetic license. While not a song, the story recited here does both. It underscores the resolve needed to carve out a major priority in family life — the core of my previous blog (Feb. 9) — and poetically? Beautiful is the only word that comes to me when I think of the tone of Richard Foster’s story and the timing of my discovering his encounter with the same demons I dealt with in my own Children’s Night story. 

Knowing something of the composer often has a bearing on how we value their works — e.g. John Newton and Amazing Grace — and that’s true here too. Dr. Richard Foster, Professor of Spiritual Formation at Azuza Pacific University, founder of RENOVAR‘E (a celebrated church renewal movement); and among his many best-seller books including Money, Sex, and Power he’s best known for Celebration of Discipline which sold over a million copies. However, it’s a reading from his little devotional book, Seeking the Kingdom, that to this day still wows me when I read it. Here’s why?

Some time after I wrote my story that’s in our book — reproduced in the last blog (Feb. 9) — I came across Foster’s devotional book. He tells a story there that floored me with the parallels to mine. His story begins in an airport. While waiting for a plane Foster was reading a devotional book in which the writer spoke of the necessity to, at times, say “No." Foster said at that time in his life he felt compelled to answer every call to service, even though he felt guilty in neglecting his family. He said he would, however, feel more guilty if he neglected the calls. For the first time in his life he was brought to reconsider. Here are his words:

I still remember the rainy February morning inside a Washington, D.C. airport.... I opened Thomas Kelly’s “Testament of Devotion.” Immediately he caught my attention.... I could say “Yes” easily but I did not have the ability to say “No.” ... Alone I sat in the airport watching the rain splatter against the windows. Tears fell on my coat. It was a holy place, an altar, the chair where I sat. I was never to be the same. Quietly I asked God to give me the ability to say “No” when it was right and good. Back home I was once again caught up in a flurry of activity. But I had quietly made one decision — Friday nights were to be reserved for the family. It was a covenant commitment, a [crucial] decision. But then the phone call came. It was a [church] executive. Would I be willing to speak to his group on Friday night?.... Cautiously but purposefully, I answered simply “No,” with no attempt to justify or explain my decision. There followed a long period of silence… I could almost feel his [thinking], “Where is your dedication?” … After a moment we shared a few pleasantries and then hung up; but as the phone hit the receiver, inwardly I shouted, “Hallelujah!”

You may not have read my previous blog (Feb. 9) about my struggle that resulted in our Children’s Night — called “family night” by Foster in his story — a story that’s almost an exact repeat of mine. Consider: 

R — Resolve: We both made a resolve in God’s presence while wrestling at the foundation of our lives.

E — Every Friday Night: We both made a covenant commitment that Friday nights would be for family.

P — Phone Call: For us both, the incredible phone call came that tested the strength of our commitment.

E — Ernie: We both faced an “Ernie” on the other end of the line who also ostensibly held our job security.

A — Answer: We both in our own way risked a “No” in answering an authority over us to perform a duty.

T — Triumphant: We both were triumphant in reaching our goal of carving out Friday nights for family.

While it’s true that Richard Foster’s story confirmed my resolve to have Children’s Night, that’s not why I’ve recounted it here. This blog along with my last one is to say something even bigger. It’s this: If any dad pauses at all before God to listen for his life’s calling, he’ll hear first before he hears anything else — “Your family!” The stories of millions of troubled lives would be very different if their dad had heard, and heeded that call. Why the dad? Where’s mom in all this? Oh, she’s there! She’s always there even when she’s adding to or even leading in the family income. And she’s probably in charge often because her call to family was Factory-made. The Factory-made call for the man is different. His response to the husband/dad call is a choice. The kicker is he’s responsible for his family — for it all. Why? We don’t know. We just know that he is, according to the Manufacturer’s Manual. It’s probably why dad has eight times more testosterone than mom. One more thing. Foster’s triumphant word Hallelujah was the same word in my heart, too, when I hung up the phone. It means “Praise God!” We both knew he was behind it all. We didn’t win. He did.